Did My Therapist Just Tell Me to “F Around and Find Out?”

By Natalie Brogan

They say life is just one big game of “f around and find out.” Usually, that phrase is reserved for frat parties or memes, but psychology has found a way to give it some real scientific backing. Enter Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or RO-DBT, a treatment designed for people who don’t “f around” enough. Unlike classic DBT, which targets impulsivity, RO-DBT is for those who play life too safe: the perfectionists, the rule-followers, the ones so tightly wound they strangle their own joy (Radically Open, n.d.).

We all believe self control is good for us, right? Most of us don’t act on impulses or urges, and control often keeps us out of trouble. Failures in self control characterize many personal and social problems like substance abuse, crime, and more. However, too much self control, or overcontrol, can be equally problematic. Overcontrol is associated with loneliness, social isolation, and poor interpersonal functioning (Within Health, n.d.). Often, those with mental health diagnoses such as anorexia nervosa, chronic depression, or obsessive compulsive disorder align closely with the overcontrolled personality (Radically Open, n.d.).

Take Emily, an example case of a patient with anorexia nervosa. She meticulously counts calories, avoids social meals, and panics if her daily routine regarding food and exercise is disrupted. Emily rigidly suppresses emotions, clings to rules, and avoids risk. Traditional DBT might teach her to tolerate the anxiety that comes from a minor slip in routine, but it doesn’t address the rigid overcontrol at the root of her behaviors. In this context, traditional DBT skills can actually reinforce the problem by encouraging more suppression and rigidity (Within Health, n.d.).

Fortunately, RO-DBT flips the script. Emily might start with what she considers a small risk: eating a slice of pizza with friends or speaking up about a personal feeling in therapy. At first it feels terrifying; her instinct is to cling to rules and retreat back to the eating disorder, but with guidance, she finds out that nothing catastrophic happens. In fact, she notices that her friends respond supportively, she remembers pizza tastes great, and the world keeps spinning. Through repeated practice, those with anorexia, OCD, or chronic depression, gradually learn that flexibility and openness aren’t threats, they are lifelines (Opal: Food + Body Wisdom, n.d.).

This process embodies RO-DBT’s core principle: taking small risks to challenge rigid patterns, building trust in oneself and others, and discovering that life can be richer when we loosen the reins of overcontrol. In other words, RO-DBT isn’t just therapy; it’s a roadmap for anyone stuck in overcontrol. It reminds us that life isn’t about perfect self-discipline or avoiding mistakes. 
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The RO-DBT evidence base is growing, with research showing promising results for conditions where rigidity and social isolation are central. Clinicians and researchers alike are increasingly adopting RO-DBT, and it’s gaining attention as a cutting-edge approach for patients who haven’t responded to traditional therapies (Within Health, n.d.). Its rise isn’t just a trend in psychotherapy, it reflects a broader truth about life: sometimes the only way to grow, connect, and heal is to step into the unknown, embrace vulnerability, and see what opens. In other words, “f around a find out” is a serious life lesson.

References
1. Opal: Food + Body Wisdom. (n.d.). Radically open DBT and eating disorder recovery. https://www.opalfoodandbody.com
2. Radically Open Ltd. (n.d.). What is RO-DBT and who is it for? https://www.radicallyopen.net/what-is-ro-dbt-and-who-is-it-for.html
3. Within Health. (n.d.). Radically open DBT. https://withinhealth.com/learn/articles/radically-open-dbt